About five years ago I reached a point where everything started to shift and I needed to integrate. I took a break from music and from everything. I moved out of the city, I stayed in the woods, I traveled, took my time. I started to make an album, create, hoped to combine my passions relating to music and visual arts. I changed the ways I was living, eventually ended up changing the ways I was operating as a music maker, artist.
Now looking back I see how for many years I struggled with courage; as I grew up and got more experience as a musician and artist I slowly took on a pressure of ‘fitting in’. Years passed and I started to drift from my voice and my heart.. From my nature.
This all happened around 2016. After taking THAT break from Helsinki—where I had once moved to study music and where I had worked as a musician for years—and after slowly moving back, I was invited to perform at a big private new year’s party. I hosted a free singing performance; all the party guests sat on the dance floor with me, under the disco lights, in silence, till we sang together eyes closed. After the collective singing ended we celebrated till morning. At this event we met first time with the founder of PlayArt Productions.
I grew up spending a lot of time in nature, and I got to grow up with people who taught me how to listen to nature. I also grew up in a city environment surrounded by urban influences. One catalyst for the upcoming album and to all these upcoming videos was the need to combine these ‘different knowings’. I felt like an outsider in Finland–I didn’t like the political atmosphere and it was hard to land, to find any ground. I had the urge to sing about nature, nature connection, and not care about fitting in.
Around 2017 I was lucky to find a music producer Jukka Backlund who shared my inspiration and after a lenghty 2 year period of writing, recording and mixing the music we had made an album. Last year I was lucky to connect again with PlayArt Production‘s people.
During year 2019 we started to get to know each other with the PlayArt crew. Me (working as an artist, writer and creative director), with director Hedda Halinen and production manager Laura Kangasniemi, after many weeks of talking and sharing we started to reach out for cinematographers, editors.. And slowly it happened that we filmed three powerful, beautiful music videos together. (Yes, they’re on their way out, wait for a bit more!)
During end year of 2019 we went for our first location scout, Laura, Hedda and me.
Me and director Hedda Halinen sat down many times to drink tea or coffee or what ever and I was able to share about my story and about my passions and we talked about nature connection, about rituals and so many things, we were framing what we wanted to express. ..And what was not inside the frame to us. All this time production manager Laura was with us, near or far, giving her comments and hearing us out.
The creative process of these videos has been very unique. When we made the album music with music producer Backlund I was so deep in the process that I hardly understood what we were creating; it felt really good, all the songs, but I had a hard time putting it to words.. Creating these videos with PlayArt Productions crew has been my ‘gateway’ back from the underworlds (or other worlds, or life force) that I’ve tried to express on the upcoming album.
For the longest time I was on the path of ‘
trying to build my identity as a musician’ till it all came crumbling down and I started to hear my heart, my soul and with it all I gave away that ‘outer eye’ to my soul. I found a way back to music, to creating, and felt it like I felt it as I found it when I was a child. ..Before any schools, before any single one of industry meetings.. Cause you know.. Creativity isn’t about the schools you get in, about the exams that you take, about the papers you can sign or show—it’s about courage and authenticity, it’s a challenge worth living. When expressing life force there’s no two alike. So in a way, there’s really no competition.
Now, as we’re slowly wrapping up all the video productions with PlayArt crew and with everyone involved, I’m pausing for a moment to thank all this creativity and all these wide visionary souls that I have the joy of knowing and working with. PlayArt Productions’ big passion is nature and nature connection and it has been great working and expanding with them. Very unique.
Album is not out yet, but it’s on it’s way. First the videos. Yes, this has taken quite some time. Yes, this has been worth it.
If there’s someone thinking that it’s foolish to take big risks or make big investments in creativity, in life, my comment is that one should not think of it in relation for ‘the award that might come after’—it’s important to create, if it is who you are; to take the jump of starting and creating bit by bit for that is your life, that is who you are and that is how you’ll find your tribe. It’s not about some moment in the future where you’d receive an award for your work, it’s about living fully, being the life force that you are and if you’ll do it well that itself, the doing of it will fill you, award you and celebrate in you. It is for sure wonderful if the work reaches many people, and gets a lot of love, but the ‘after party’ should not be the motivation for creating.
So yes, some years ago I gave away all my belongings and moved into woods for a while. Stopped doing gigs and went to other professions. I took a bank loan to start this creation, to birth my upcoming album. I don’t regret it. When I begun I had no knowing of ‘how’. I saw videos with my soul’s eye, relating to the album, and those videos were telling beautiful natural ritualistic pathways, I had no knowing of ‘how’ to birth them. I wanted to create something beautiful, something that would ‘kiss your soul’.
This has been a very hard challenge, and a long process, and I’ve learned new professions along the way just to keep my head above the water. And I’ve found wonderful new people, new dear friends, new tribes, and I’ve grown so much.
I could have never made these steps without all the absolutely amazingly creative people I’m surrounded by. Near and far. Creativity is a wonderful, blissful, feisty play and this has been—and will be, a mysterious path. I thank the PlayArt crew with all my heart. I thank all of the people involved with all my heart, you know who you are. And of course, huge, HUGE, thank you to music producer Backlund.